he fucked my hip out of place.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
