hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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