Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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