he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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