She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
