I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
