Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
