if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
