apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
