i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
