remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
