That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
