did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
