Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
