im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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