Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I queefed so loud it echoed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
