Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You are a genius and a whore.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
