Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize