Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
