I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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