He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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