I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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