sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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