Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
