I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
