Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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