I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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