I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
