I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
