My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
