Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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