clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
