im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
