Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
