i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
