his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
