I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
