Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
