The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
