Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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