'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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