Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
