i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
