she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
