She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
