Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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