I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
His hands were made for my vagina.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
