It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
