Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
