Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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