if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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