Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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