I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
only you would photoshop your dick
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Two words: blizzard sex
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize