Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
