3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize