Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
