you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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