its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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