and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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