you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
