How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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