I hope mine doesn't look like that
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
