the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
