I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
