Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
