If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
