I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
