If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
