she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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