just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
