Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
