Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize