before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
