Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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