Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
