I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
