I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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