I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
