Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
