fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
