Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
