Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
