you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
