Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
