The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
