If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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