Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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