Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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