i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
