The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's never too late to be topless.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
