Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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