You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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