either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
