you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
