Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
