hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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