My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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