Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
