I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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