I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
