Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
