No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
