dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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