Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
