The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
