I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
